The Real Housewives of Oasis Springs officially launched last night and what started out as an introductory talk about empowering all women quickly turned into a salacious gossip session about the woohoo roster of Bruce Benevolent, Lucy’s husband.
“As housewives of Oasis Springs, I feel we’re role models for our community,” Farrah Wilson states proudly.
“I agreed wholeheartedly with Farrah,” Lucy adds. I followed up to her remarks by saying that as women we have valuable contributions that can make our world better.”
Lucy continues. “This comment was a natural bridge to discuss my new contribution–Lucy Looks, my new brand that focuses on women looking and feeling their best so they can do their best.”
“I could just hear the ratings drop,” Farrah complains, rolling her eyes. “So I decided to spice things up a bit.”
“Lucy, you seem to have it all–motherhood, a new career, a beautiful home,” Farrah stated matter-of-factly. “How does juggling all these things affect your woohoo time with Bruce?
“I was really hoping not to have to talk about my woohoo life on the first episode, or better yet, at all,” Lucy confesses. “but I came out with a trite response that would keep viewers guessing.”
However, Farrah dropped the bomb.
“Speaking of woohoo, does it make you feel uncomfortable that out of the four housewives here, that Bruce has woohooed with three of us?
Bruce is a former man-about-town and has had previous relationships with both Farrah and Sparkles.
“I’m very familiar with Bruce’s past,” Lucy tells us, “but the past is in the past for a reason. I chose not to respond to Farrah’s question.”
“Lucy suddenly didn’t want to be an attention-hog anymore,” Farrah states icily, “but she still needed to be taught a lesson.”
“When Lucy wouldn’t answer, Farrah asked me what Bruce was like in bed!” Sparkles reveals. “I can’t believe she went there! I just told them that Bruce and I met when I was a party dancer and that we had a good time!”
“This was going nowhere!” Farrah exclaims. “So, I took the liberty of sharing a few deets about my own time with Bruce.”
“It was then I had enough,” Lucy states. “I decided to play dirty since that was what Farrah seemed to want.”
“I brought Jebediah out to the set,” Lucy reveals. “We had a relationship a few years back and I used the opportunity to discuss what our woohoo had been like.”
“Farrah didn’t realize that Lucy and Jebediah had even dated,” Sparkles adds with a laugh. “You should have seen her face!”
“How dare Jebediah betray me like this!” Farrah demands.
“No, I shouldn’t have stooped to Farrah’s level, but it did me good to see her face when she got a taste of her own medicine. I just hope my kids don’t see this episode,” Lucy laughs.
Lucy won’t have to worry about daughter, Bella, who was so moved by the predicament of werewolf friend, Jay, went to visit his world of Moonwood Mill.
“This world is stunning!” Bella proclaims. “I actually got to meet Kristopher Volkov, leader of the Moonwood Collective!”
What did Bella learn in Moonwood Mill? Will her visit cause trouble back home in Oasis Springs?
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